Ep.14 Shame - The feeling that makes you dim your light [feeling shame]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora, and I hope you're doing well. I'm very

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happy to be spending some time with you today and to reflect,

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help you recharge your batteries and just relax into being

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instead of doing all the time. Today I want to talk about

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shame. Shame is the emotion that carries the lowest vibration. If

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you want to talk energetics here, it is a very heavy

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feeling. It is a feeling that sometimes and oftentimes even

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makes us want to hide from people makes us want to avoid

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people not connect to people. It is deeper and more destructive

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than sadness. Sadness is very heavy and low vibrational energy

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as well. But shame the difference between the sadness

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and shame is usually directed towards us. There's something

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inside of us that we are absolutely not okay with

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something that we cannot imagine we will ever be able to embrace

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something that we cannot imagine we can ever forgive ourselves.

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So you don't have to be a criminal. To feel shame, I think

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this is very common sense that we all feel shame for something

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that we have done in the past, something that has happened in

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our life, or a situation that we were involved in. And then you

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will also see that people feel shame, for very, very different

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things. It has to do with their religious background, cultural

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background, and how they grew up. So the household if you look

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at children, children at a playground, children at the

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beach, there's some children who just run around topless and feel

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free, totally fine. And then there is children who maybe got

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dirty, a little bit or wet, and they have to be changed. And

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they feel deep embarrassment and shame for taking off their

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clothing, maybe even in front of their parents. So it all starts

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out when we're very little. And we learn from our direct

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environment of what is shame. Shameful, so to say, and what is

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okay? Now, if you look at friendships, or intimate

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relationships, when you look at the people that you want to

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deeply connect with. I think it makes a lot of sense that once

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we know we can share exactly this, that we're trying to avoid

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and run away from a Nazi about ourselves. If we show exactly

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this to someone, and that person does not reject

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us.

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It is a powerful, very intimate place to be. Now you can decide

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if you want to do this little exercise with me or not, I

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recommend you try it out. You just take something doesn't have

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to be the, the worst part about yourself, but you take something

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that you really don't like about yourself can be physical, it can

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be a thoughts that you have can be something that happened in

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the past. pick whatever you want, you can also imagine

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something new.

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And now imagine you talking to a stranger, in a very safe

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setting. And you guys get along awesome. And all of a sudden,

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that person opens up to you about something that has

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happened in the past something that they have done.

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I think I experienced that there is an instant being able to

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relate to this happening. Because at the same time, you

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might be thinking, Oh, yeah, I've done something similar or

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Yeah, there's something I'm not proud of either. So someone

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opens up to us. And it makes us think of our shame.

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And then

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we start to feel compassion for that person, because we keep

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thinking about what happened to us what is what is what,

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like, what if I would

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open up about this, I know how I am going to react to this person

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now with them opening up to me. But how will they react once I

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open up to them. So they continue talking. And you can

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really see that they feel shame for what has happened to them or

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what they've done. And then it's your part, and then you talk.

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And as you know how shame feel, because of what has happened to

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you or what have what you've done, you will show compassion,

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you will maybe even be able to relate to that story. And you

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will make the other person feel safe and good with you. And then

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you will do the same with that person, he will say doesn't have

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to be in the same conversation. But for the future, you know,

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holy This is a safe place. This is where I can open up because

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that person just open up to me. And I can do the same in the

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future. So in the future, you decide to finally open up to

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that person.

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And they hold space for you. They show compassion. They maybe

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even relate to your story. And while I speak these words for

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you today, I can feel that feeling again that I felt when I

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open up to a loved one in the past.

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And when when they showed me like hey, we've all done this,

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we've all been there and it is okay to let go of that shame of

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that pain. It is liberating. It is so powerful and so precious.

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Because I promise you the next time you look into the mirror,

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you will be able to embrace this step yourself sorry, one little

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bit stronger. You will be able to forgive yourself. And this is

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why we are herd animals we need each other so much because I

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feel when it comes to shameful thoughts and shameful feelings.

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We usually get caught up with this we've tried to suppress it

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not see it avoided but it is always there. And then if we

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know that is that someone we can talk to about it is that someone

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who didn't judge us for this, we start to become kinda with

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ourselves too. And you'd be so surprised to find out how for

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some people, some things create deep shame inside of them. And

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you from an outsider perspective, just think what?

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Like, that's what you think is, like, weird. Let's talk about

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somebody else's stuff or my stuff that I see as way worse.

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Now, so dawn story top that, that person or I think you know

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what I mean? I don't know how to say it better in English, but

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you give that person their space. And you keep these swords

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to yourself these sorts of holy, like, that's not bad at all.

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Because we all experience life on different levels, right? I've

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talked about this in season one. Even if you look at your

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siblings, you guys grew up in the same household, yet you

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perceive life very differently. And this is one of the big

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secrets to a great relationship with yourself and with others,

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is that you constantly check in with yourself, hey, am I

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projecting my stuff onto the other person? Or am I actually

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being curious and giving them giving them space or Yeah, space

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to fully develop, and how they want to develop and express

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themselves. So yeah, shame is a tricky, tricky emotion that has

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to be addressed at some point, because it's going to suck life

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energy out of you, or maybe even make you sick. It is very

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important to find people that you can trust, maybe even

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counselors, or therapists, or people who went through similar

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things, you know, in support groups, Facebook is awesome for

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this. If you need to find a group, a support group, and

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never judge yourself for how you feel for certain things. Because

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you are so unique. was your experience here on planet Earth,

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that no one not even yourself, should judge you on how you

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feel. All your feelings are valid, all your feelings have to

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come up, have to be looked at maybe for a little bit, and then

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have to be released again. We cannot continue to carry that

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shame with us. Because it's gonna make us sick. And it is

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gonna make us hide and dim our light. And we need you out

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there. We need you out there more than ever. Because humanity

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is going through so much stuff right now. So we need every

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person possible out there shining their light expressing

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themselves honestly and openly. with good intentions. We have to

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stop to dim our light and to hide and to feel we're not

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enough. Yeah, endlessly precious. You are enough. And I

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don't think that your shame is bigger than others. Thank you so

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much for listening to the Borealis experience. If you can

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relate to this, if you feel that Yeah, my words resonate with

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your heart and your soul. Please share, please leave me a review

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on Apple podcast. It would mean the world to me to hear from you

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to hear your thoughts. And I will be out there very soon