Ep. 11 Make sure the people around you are capable of this. [relationship hack]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your coach Aurora, i'm there to support

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you, if you feel you need a one on one session, you need to pour

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your heart out you need somebody to be accountable to, I'm there

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for you. And today I'm very happy to be spending some time

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with you.

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And to talk about a validation, a feeling validated, you express

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something, a feeling, or you put it into words.

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And the person who's standing in front of you, this sharing the

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space with you just listens and hold space.

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They let you fully express

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how you feel inside,

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they listen to your thoughts.

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And, yeah, holding space is the big thing here.

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And

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to do this, it takes a lot of courage because at times,

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emotional reactions can be very strong. And you can really

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relate to why the person is suffering or feeling pain.

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But to remain calm, and to hold that space

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is so incredibly

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nurturing and healing.

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You are trustworthy. When you're able to hold space for the other

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person, you create a strong bond with that person.

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And the fun thing is that you don't even have to be close to

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that person that much you don't have to be in an intimate

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relationship or related like blood related can be a stranger.

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If you just hear him or her out.

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It has such a powerful healing effect on people.

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Needless to say that if you master holding space for another

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in an intimate relationship,

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if you can do that for your siblings, for your parents, for

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your children,

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you have the key

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to a very strong and

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content and deep, nourishing relationship.

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Now this is the ideal.

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And we don't grow up in ideal circumstances.

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I don't know about your experience, really. And I would

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love I'm burning to know what your experience is or was in the

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past. So please never hold back. Connect with me on Facebook,

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Aurora Eggert or Aurora Eggert coaching and share with me what

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your experiences are around this topic.

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We grew up in families where Yeah, people are busy to provide

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and have their own little problems or big problems. And

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then you come into the picture and

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have an emotional reaction to something that nobody really can

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relate to.

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And they don't know maybe you have been suffering for a long

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time. Maybe you've gone through stuff that you didn't really

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share with them. And now something happens that you react

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to very strongly

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and most of the time, yeah, people go through their own

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experience when they see somebody else suffering and they

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just think okay, well.

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This is not how I would have reacted like this is a little

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bit dramatic. This is a little bit too much.

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This is not how I would have reacted.

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So they operate only from their point of view

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and make you feel pathetic. And if there is several people

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around you in that moment, it's

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People make you feel pathetic about how you feel about how you

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react, you can very quickly

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excuse me,

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make the conclusion that you are indeed pathetic. And that you

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have to toughen up. And that you feelings, the way you perceive

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things and situations are not valid.

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Now, let that sit for a moment, if a little kid

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b be

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be the kid, six years old,

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the brain is still forming, the child is still

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making up what this world can be like and, you know, soaking

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everything up like a little sponge.

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That child will learn that his or her feelings are not valid.

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Now, what happens next?

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Next time, you have these feelings coming up, you suppress

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them.

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Because they're not valid, right? That's what you've

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learned. The reaction that we you will receive from the

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outside

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is going to be

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painful, and people are gonna reject you. So what smart to do

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here is to react, how you think the people around you would

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react. And then you don't stir anything up. You suppress

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everything that is coming up inside of you. You don't let it

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out.

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And you move on.

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Sorry, you move on.

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Toughen up.

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Fast forward 30 years, almost, she's fine fighting depression,

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or he has suicidal thoughts.

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Where's that coming from? On must be the video games are must

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be the friends that he's hanging out with?

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It must be the breakup that she went through a couple months

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back? No, no, no, no, no, that's not the case. The case is that

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you've learned that your emotions are not valid as

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expressing yourself is not

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worth the effort.

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So suppress. And those feelings are not dissolving. They are

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stuck in your system, in your nervous system, in your tissues

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of your body.

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Sickness is going to arise mental illness is going to arise

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when we are not free to express how we feel.

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So this episode is meant as a huge kick in the bum to you.

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If you ever think of suppressing how you feel, again, I want you

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to know that it has severe consequences, to not show or

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express yourself when you have strong feelings coming up. Now

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don't get me wrong. Sometimes it is aggression. Sometimes it is

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violence that come up. And we don't want to use that against

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other people. We want to find words, we found want to find a

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way to express these feelings in a way that it is authentic, but

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also in a way that people can listen. If they really care

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about you. And you're not harming anybody or yourself.

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Right. Sometimes the feelings are so strong, that we want to

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destroy that we want to harm that we want to be violent.

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But that is a point where you have to find someone to talk to

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and dig deeper. That is not what we want to bring out. That is

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not what we want to

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express violence, but we want to express it in a way that it is

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more digestible for other people. Right.

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How validated Do you feel

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by the people that you surround yourself with,

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to feel like you can be yourself and express yourself and cry

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when something is sad for you. Be angry when something is

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upsetting for you laugh out loud when something is funny, or have

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you learned that it is not okay.

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And another thing to mention here is that maybe you've been

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surrounded

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by people in the past that didn't allow it that punished

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you for expressing yourself. And now you are with a new Wolfpack.

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But you're still suppressing your feelings. Because this is

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what you've learned, then this episode is here for you. And I'm

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there for you as a coach to help you and dig these feelings again

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and to be more you

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to be fearlessly you.

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And the people around you, who love you who truly cherish you

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will be so Okay, will be so grateful, will be so

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appreciative to see what's going on inside of you. Because this

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is the beauty of each human being. This is the beauty of

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humanity, that we are all so different, that we perceive all

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so different, that we have emotions and reactions that are

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very different to others. And that is okay.

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We need to not only learn to express ourselves more

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authentically, but also watch ourselves

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how we react to others. Can we hold space for another? When we

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feel like Oh man, that's this dramatic. Oh man, this is not

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really as sad as this person makes it out to be? Yes, it is.

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It is valid. And be curious. Ask questions. And you will see how

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it opens up that person and how you can deeply connect to that

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person.

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I'm gonna let you go for now and I'm very excited to connect with

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you and be there for you again on Thursday.

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take really good care of yourself. You are so loved. You

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are so appreciated. You are so needed on this beautiful planet

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Earth and selling my love out to you. Until next time, bye bye