Ep 5 How do your relationships influence your well-being? [relationships]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm so happy to have you here. I'm so

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happy to be spending a little bit of time with you today, we

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will be talking about relationships.

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Yeah.

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So this is still season one where I'm introducing the

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podcast to you guys, it is about self improvement connection to

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yourself, the better you feel with yourself, the better and

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stronger, you can shine your light and step outside into this

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world. And be a good person, not to be a good person, but you

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just feel good about yourself. So in the first episodes, I

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talked about how the body, the mind, and then your emotions,

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and your environment is influencing your well being. And

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today I will be talking about relationships. I've feel

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relationships is life. If you look at it, you were born into

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this world where gravity took over and all of a sudden you had

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to

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breathe air,

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you were disconnected from your mom. Really, if you look at it,

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it's a very intense experience that a newborn baby is going

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through, they're come from a place where it's warm and

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sheltered, where there's no need to cry or beg to get water or

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food or shelter. Everything is provided right now, right there.

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And then they are being born into this world onto this

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beautiful planet that is so abundant. But all of a sudden,

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they are completely dependent on others. They have to express

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their needs, they have to set boundaries and really fight for

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surviving, even though the most most of us who listen to

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podcasts or have expensive devices here never had to

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struggle seriously for life. But some newborns have to struggle a

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lot and are not provided with everything they need. And if you

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were provided with everything, that was still a big traumatic

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experience, you were thrown into a new world where you had to

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find your place. So everything from then on as about your

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relationships, if you didn't have good relationships back

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then or right now, when you're born, then you were lost because

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they need to provide shelter and food for you. Because you can do

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it on your own. It's not like a baby animal. The human baby is

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actually way more vulnerable than any mammal on this planet.

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So the way you relate to your parents, your primary caregivers

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is so critical. So how do you relate to your environment? What

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did you learn from an early age on in my previous podcast, I

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said that from age zero from conception, until approximately

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year seven, your brain is like a little sponge that downloads

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everything in her or his environment without really

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questioning, they just copy and paste and go about their lives

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and try to fit in. And this trying to fit in is really a

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huge thing because as soon as you don't fit in as soon as you

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do something that your parents dislike, you are being exposed

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to to a threat and that is being excluded from the community. And

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now as an adult, you may be in your 30s or 40s your 20s doesn't

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matter. You're independent now. But as a child This is an

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extreme fear and discomfort that every child is aware of. So now

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you can maybe see already that it is so crazy how much

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influence our parents have at that age. Because we will do

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practically basically literally everything to stay connected to

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our source of love and warmth, food and shelter. And it is not

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out of mean will that some parents are not giving us what

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we need. When it was the case, it was certainly that they were

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uncapable they behave from their best interest or to say it

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better. My English is getting worse and worse. No, I feel they

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acted from their best self back then yeah, they didn't wake up

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in the morning and say, oh, today I'm going to be a shitty

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parent, they were overwhelmed with having the time to be there

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for you. Having the job having the money having it doesn't

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matter, like every parent has something

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that you can reproach, so to say. And we would dive into that

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a little later on. But if you look at it today, I want to just

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make very clear to you of how dependent you were as a child

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and what you had to go through, maybe or you just downloaded and

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didn't question and it might not serve you anymore. So the way

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our parents relate to each other, for instance, is how we

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see is natural and healthy and primary relationships like love

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and romantic relationships. Now look at people who went through

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emotional abuse with their parents or physical abuse, or

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constantly felt like their sibling is doing better than

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they are doing are constantly feeling they're not enough. And

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what does it do with your brain with your confidence with your

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health, your overall health, it makes you feel as if that is the

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norm. And as if that if you find that now, when you step out into

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the world, is your perfect match, because this is what you

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know, this is what you grew up with.

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And then you can go further you can reflect about. So how are

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you related to your parents? And how did they relate to people

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outside the family? How did they relate to friends? and so on and

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so on? And what did you learn? What did you learn is normal?

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And is it really the best for you? Is it serving you? To the

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best of its ability? And yeah, then then let's go back to you.

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What kind of family member are you? What kind of friend or

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partner are you? How do you see people? Do you liked spending

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time with people? Or are you more of a loner? How do you

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relate to your co workers? Most of the time we spend more time

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with my co with your with our co workers than with our family

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members? How? And this is very interesting part of

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relationships. How do you relate to authority figures? Those are

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such interesting questions, I think to ask yourself and to

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dressed. Next time you go for a walk next time. You drive. Think

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about a goal through your closest relationships, your

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partner, your friends, your co workers, your boss and really

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think out of a bird's perspective how you behave or

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what kind of person you are. I think probably all heard about

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the takers and the givers. There's always people who love

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to give and people who love to take and I see people's energy.

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So bear with me Don't, don't run away right away. Because it

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sounds too esoteric, but it's very simple. I see how some

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people suck energy out of me. And some people add energy to me

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good energy or bad energy. And I always kind of navigate through

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people and feel more drawn to some people and not so much to

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others. And maybe you can notice that in your daily life now to

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Who are you drawn to? Who are you attracted to? romantic

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relationships is another huge topic that I want to address

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later on today, we just touched base on it very superficially.

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Then how do you listen? Do you listen really to the person

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who's in front of you? Or did you subconsciously tried to put

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your perception on to their kind of personality like you see them

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how you want to see them, you don't really allow them to be

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how they really are, because it doesn't fit your concept of a

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good person, what you learned? How do you express your needs,

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and this is really, also very fascinating, because I noticed

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ever since I observe it, and people how extremely different

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people express their needs and what they want. And it can be

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very trivial things with major drama and intensity. Because

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people back then when they grew up, had to fight for attention

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had to fight to to be seen by their parents, because the other

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sibling was the a student was the awesome person and the

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family and you always felt like the black sheep. So now in

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relationships, that person will also feel the need to either be

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with a person who doesn't give them the attention to then show

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those tools of expression, manipulation. Or they will feel

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to totally lost with a person who actually meets their needs,

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because they've never really had their needs met. And then how do

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you set boundaries? It is crazy interesting. See, I'm getting

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really revved up. Now it is crazy interesting to see how

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early children are developing a character. And how some parents

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just can standard because it's not convenient, because it just

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doesn't fit in their model of how they want their child to be.

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And they don't see that a child is a totally different person.

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It is Yeah, made of you and your partner. But it might grow into

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a totally different direction than you are and that is totally

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fine. Because if you allow it, then it's going to be successful

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in that direction and wants to grow. So very early on, you can

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see when you observe young parents,

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if

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it is okay for them that the child sets boundaries, and it

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can be silly boundaries. Like I don't want to kiss aunt

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Catherine on her cheek when she says Hi, I just want to shake

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her hand. And I don't like broccoli, or I don't want to go

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to bed at seven o'clock. It is also very tricky for the parents

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don't get me wrong. I'm not here to blame young parents now. Like

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there have to be. There has to be boundaries. But I think it's

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a very fine line where you allow a character to blossom and where

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you give gentle guidance, because it's really the best for

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their physical health and mental health. So going to bed early

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and eating early supper and when the child doesn't want to obey

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then you just tell them what the consequences are and that it's

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really good for them. But when it comes to let's go back to the

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example greeting aunt Catherine on to her cheek by kissing her

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onto her cheek, and your little daughter doesn't want to do it,

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then you have to allow her to say no. Because this girl

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is gonna end up like a stripper.

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And living on the streets? Of course not. But this girl will

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later on have troubles to set boundaries when it comes to

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physical touch. And it is when you hear me speak now you

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probably Yeah, maybe not. But some of you might roll your eyes

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and think, Oh, that's so like minor and she should be greeting

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her aren't like everybody else is doing. But it is not. I tell

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you, it is not. You have to give even your partner in a romantic

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relationship, the space and room to say no to things that are

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totally weird for you and don't make sense. Let's go back to the

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example with a child who grew up with a mother who's scared of

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spiders. That child will have difficulties living with a

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person who absolutely loves spiders, yet they will have to

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find common grounds where one person understands the other.

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And then it can be fine. But you can just tell the other person

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to do something if they don't want to. So this is boundary

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setting, which is a huge topic for me still. And I want to talk

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about it more in the future. But that is it for today. It is how

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honestly authentically Can you show up in the world? Not

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because of others, but because of yourself. How good do you

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feel when relating to other people? Do you feel invaded

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quickly? Do you feel abundant, abundant, you feel rejected?

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Quickly? Do you feel frustrated? Quickly? What is it that that is

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your thing when it comes to relationships, we all have a

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thing. And with healthy relationships, it's useless or

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needless to say, your immune system is great, you're

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resilient, you're creative, you want to go out there and shine

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and help others. When your relationships are frustrating

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and not nurturing. And you just feel the need to manipulate in

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order to have your needs met, then it's sex life energy out of

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you and then you get sick and you get vulnerable. So this is

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why it is so important for me to talk about this with you when it

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comes to well being. Because relationships are life. This is

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Episode Five of the Borealis experience if you liked it, if

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you feel like you learn something from it, or my voice

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was soothing you made you feel less alone. Please share, please

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subscribe, it would mean the world to me. And in Episode Six,

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I will talk about your history. Although I don't know your

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history. I know we all have a story that we tell ourselves.

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That might be extremely limiting A times and I will show you give

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you tools on how you can change that and live a free content

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life. I'm sending my love out there. Thank you for spending

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time with me today. I'll talk to you very soon again. Bye bye